I am not, and never have been, a fan of the non-tini.
You know what I mean. Those drinks, usually fruity or sweet or both, that include “Martini” or “-tini” in their names only because they’re served in a Martini-style stemmed cocktail glass.
I’m looking at you, Kiwi-tini.
And you, Cherry Cheesecake Martini.
And you, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Martini.
And you (of course), Pumpkin Pie Spice-tini.
Most of the examples of the breed are simply liquid alcoholic desserts, designed for drinkers who don’t want even a hint of dry anything in their glass. The popularity of these pretend-Martinis was spurred during the 1990s by the famous Appletini, a perfectly acceptable drink that deserved better than the cutesy name it was given.
Look, I’ve got nothing against sweet cocktails. And if you want to put an Almond Joy or a marshmallow or a whole pineapple in your drink, by all means, bombs away. But please don’t call it a Martini. I wholeheartedly subscribe to Justine Sterling’s rigorous taxonomy for classification of a faux-tini—that is, if it contains fruit, is blue or pink or any color other than clear or light yellow, is opaque, contains syrup of any kind, has a sugared rim, or has more than four ingredients, then it’s an imposter.
At the very least, a non-tini drink deserves a non-tini title. If you want a good example—one that, not coincidentally, would make a perfect Sunday Special for this spring equinox weekend—then look no further than the Through the Garden.
I’ve previously sung the praises of the old Red Feather Lounge Drink Menu, created by Kevin Kelpe for the iconic Boise cocktail bar in the early 2000s. Innovative both in form and content, the menu (which, as a product of Kelpe’s graphic arts background, takes the form of a deck of Pantone color swatches held together with a brass brad) contains full, detailed recipes for both traditional cocktails as well as many created by Kelpe and his talented bartending staff. Of those originals, the Through the Garden, co-invented with Shana Keefer, is among the most notable.
The Through the Garden is deceptively simple. It consists of gin, Lillet Blanc, and a few dashes of celery bitters, garnished with a celery spear. Lesser mixologists might have dubbed it the Celery-tini. Instead, Kelpe and Keefer gave us an entirely memorable and appropriate appellation for a refreshing, innovative cocktail.
Sadly, the Red Feather swatch book is no more, and Kelpe has moved on to higher pursuits. But you can still stroll Through the Garden.
Maybe even dance a little.
Spring is here.
Through the Garden
Courtesy of Kevin Kelpe and Shana Keefer
2 3/4 ounces Plymouth Gin
1/4 ounce Lillet Blanc
2 dashes of celery bitters (we like Fee Brothers)
Celery spears for garnish
Combine all ingredients over ice and stir until liquid volume is increased by 25 to 30 percent. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with thin-sliced celery spears.
UPDATE (4/3/2021): I’ve recently learned that a Martini made by substituting Lillet Blanc for vermouth is commonly called a Vesper, invented by author Ian Fleming in the James Bond novel Casino Royale. Which would make the Through the Garden a variation on a variation. Just don’t do what Bond did, though: make the foundation of the cocktail both gin and vodka. If you prefer the taste of vodka, go with it, or find a gin with a softer edge (New Amsterdam and Bombay Sapphire are among those often recommended for gin haters).